Sunday, August 28, 2005

I misinterpreted the relationships

I wrote yesterday about two of my friends dumping me because they said I was too "needy." I have been thinking about this, and I think I am making some progress in understanding it.

I can't relate to the "needy" thing. It just doesn't fit. I have thought about it a lot, and I don't feel in my gut that it's right. Then what is right?

I think I misinterpreted the relationships. I thought we were closer than we were. I thought they enjoyed talking to me. I certainly enjoyed talking to them. But I seem to have been too intense. They felt that I was demanding more from them than they could give. This would have been the case if we were interpreting the relationship differently. In face to face relationships when this happens, the one with the less intense feelings withdraws, perhaps feeling a bit stifled by the other person. I have been there and done that.

Breaking up with friends is a bit like breaking up with lovers. It hurts like heck.


Anonymous said...

Candice, I can sympathize. I think something like this has happened to me, with my internet friend. Only instead of saying something hurtful, I think he is just choosing to ignore me in the hope that I will get the message on my own and go away. I will admit that it is proving rather painful. I don't trust people, and keep my distance emotionally and otherwise. I am polite and always kind to others. But I haven't let myself get close to anyone in many years.
I let myself think maybe we were becoming more friends than just acquaintances, so I have no one to blame but myself if I set myself up for the fall. Anyway, we recently exchanged emails for the first time in a couple of months and there has been no response to my last,over 2 weeks ago. I'll just let it go, if I don't hear anything. But you're right, it does feel bad.


~Kim~ said...

Hi Candice,

Sorry this has happened to you, know that you have other friends, that you may not have daily contact with, but are thinking of you :) Keep your chin up, and change in friends is hurtful, but the outcomes can be rewarding!

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Peter said...

Candice -
Friendhships and Lovers are different sides of the same coin. They both have value, which when lost "hurts like heck." But like coins, sometimes they are merely misplaced only to be found when you least expect. Does that make the coin more valuable? Old friends, like old coins, grow in value over time.

zecca said...

Hi Candice
I'm sorry for the pain you feel and the feeling of being betrayed.
Personnally I think that it hurts more from friends than lovers as a friend is like a sister, a part of ourself.
So, I hope that you'll feel better very soon and have the real friends that you deserve to take care of you.